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First Presbyterian
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Sanctuary Home Page
Saturday Sanctuary - Supportive Listening
“One of the
most valuable things we can do to heal another is to listen to his/her story”
~ Rebecca Falls
We all know
how to listen, but a few simple tips can turn an “uh-huh” into a
conversation. Here are some methods used by professional listeners to keep
people engaged in conversation and to let them know they have been heard.
- Evaluate the individual’s body language. Does he/she
appear to want to interact? Only approach if the visual signals to approach
are obvious An exception: if you sense that a participant is hesitant or
ambivalent about interacting, you can approach him/her and quietly say such
as “It appears you’d like to be alone for awhile- just know that I’m a good
listener if you want to talk”
- If a visitor appears to want to talk (makes eye
contact with you, converses freely with others in the room etc.) pull up a
chair and introduce yourself, saying such as “Hi, I’m ___________ and I’ve
been here in Asheville for about four years. How long have you been here? Do
you like Asheville? Do you find you’re getting the services that you need?”
- Use your body language to show you are interested, but
not aggressive. Use an open posture and do not block a way for the person
to leave your company
- Lean toward the person, but respect personal space of
approx. 1 ½ to 3 feet
- If the visitor wants to tell you his, her story,
listen intently, making eye contact as you can.
- A good empathetic listening technique is to feed back
to the person, in different words, what he has shared with you.
- Ex: “So you feel that you would be able to hold down a
job if your respiratory health were stronger? I see what you are saying-
that has to be very frustrating. I hope you can be put in touch with the
right agency to help you with your breathing challenges”
- You may sense that the participant is telling a story
that raises a problem common to the experience of others in the room. You
might suggest that those affected might want to brainstorm possible
solutions together. If there is an agency in town that you know can be of
help, be sure to provide that.
- There is nothing wrong with gently asking a person to
speak up a little bit if you cannot understand him or her (perhaps they are
mumbling or have their head hanging so low that hearing what they are saying
is difficult) You can make it clear that you are very interested in what
he/she has to say.
- Ask clarifying questions if you are not understanding
the thread, or a certain point in the person’s story.
Ex: Are you saying the rule was
unfair, or the way it was applied was unfair? I’m sorry, I’m not sure I got
that right, did you say…?
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